Okay, I know I didn’t write a Flashback Friday entry yesterday after all my talk about it. I meant to, I really did, but my mind just went completely blank at the thought of writing about anything in my past. So, to get inspiration, I’ve been reading through my journal from 2001, the first year I was in the Army. I’m only up to May, actually, but it’s a wild ride. I can’t believe how much I’ve forgotten from twelve short years ago. There are people I mention that I cannot recall existing no matter how much I strain my brain to remember, though most of those were friends and co-workers of my ex-husband. There are events and parties and gigs and outings that come back very hazily upon reading, and others that are forever in the ether, out of reach of my conscious memories. It’s kind of surreal.
The overall impression I’ve gotten so far (up to May 2001) is that I was not very happy, but trying to convince myself I was. I was experiencing terrible sleep patterns, something that plagued me my whole life until I met Domingos. Some nights I wouldn’t go to bed at all in a vain attempt to reset my body clock. There’s almost a manic energy to my journal entries, and I’m constantly starting and abandoning exercise and diet plans (okay, maybe that part hasn’t changed so much!). There’s a friend, Tracey, who pops up over and over again. I’d forgotten how much time I spent with her, and I’m really sad that that friendship disappeared over the next few years. I still miss her to this day, but she never responded to my last few efforts to reach out. Once she had her twins, she got very caught up in motherhood (obviously, and I get it), and I think my singleness and romantic frustrations really started to annoy her. Granted, it was a rocky few years after my divorce and I even annoyed myself at times with some of the situations I found myself in, but I’m still sad our friendship evaporated, because I thought she was a lifetime friend. Now that I’m older, I realize how rare those true lifelong friendships are. It seems like so many friendships are situational, there to serve a purpose at a particular time in your life, but not ones that stand the test of time. I wonder, of my friendships now, how many will still be there in ten or twenty years.
Anyway, enough musings for one day. It’s time to get on the elliptical and warm up before my afternoon rehearsal. Happy Saturday, everyone!