My Fourth Decade – Love

Only 3+ months past my 40th birthday, I decided that today would be a good day to write about the most important part of my thirties. Today is a good day for it because after dinner tonight, I have to say goodbye to my husband for just over 6 months, and I want to dwell on happy feelings and emotions instead of being weepy and miserable.

I entered my thirties with a failed marriage behind me. For the first few years after my divorce, I dabbled in online dating, speed dating, and some other really poor choices, romantically speaking. I had experienced relationships with lots of chemistry but rampant drama and emotional tribulation, and relationships where I was treated great but there was zero zing. Domingos was the first and only man I ever fell in love with who never, ever made me feel bad about myself or about the relationship, and who also provided off-the-charts zing and chemistry. Luckily, he apparently felt the same way back, and the rest is history. Before Domingos, I really thought I had to choose one or the other – being treated well, or chemistry. It was a huge relief to finally find someone I could have both with. A lot of people will say that good marriages and relationships take a lot of work, but in my experience that couldn’t be further from the truth. Maybe it helped that Domingos and I were both older when we fell in love, but I have never once felt like our relationship was work in any way. Being in love with him, spending my life with him, is the easiest, best choice I’ve ever made.

We have a shared vision of our future, goals that always seem to be in sync, and a perfectly compatible life. I have never felt more clearly the Antoine de Saint-Exupery quote, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” Will the next six months be hard? Of course they will, and I will miss him terribly. But we have a whole life to look forward to, and I know this time apart will be just the smallest of blips in the landscape of our lives. I wake up every day knowing how lucky I am to have found my perfect partner.

 

india

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